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Remy’s birth was not what we had expected. Everything that was on my preference list, we went the opposite way. We went to 41 weeks, and my waters broke, but I didn’t go into labour. We went and had it checked to make sure that it was actually my waters, and then we went home. Bang on 12 hours later, the contractions started. It was hectic.
We only lasted at home for 30 minutes before we had to go. I wanted a water birth and drug-free, but it was just so intense. I didn’t get a break from the very first contraction. There was only a two-minute break between each of them, and they kept getting more intense. I tried the gas, which did nothing, and then we tried morphine, which also did nothing.
Remy was in distress, so they gave me an epidural. I’m still not fully clear on what happened, but as soon as I had the epidural, they were like, ‘Okay, let’s do it right now.’ They didn’t have time to do the C-section, so they had to use forceps to get him out. I was ten centimetres, but he was stuck. His heart rate had been up for two hours or something, I can’t remember. They got him out, but he needed to be resuscitated.
Because he was born unresponsive, they put him on a cooling mat for four days. I wasn’t allowed to hold him or anything for the first four days, and I was obviously in care as well. One day, he just turned a corner. At the start, they were like, ‘We don’t know how long you’ll be here, it could be weeks.’ But once he came off the cooling mat, he just killed it. After 24 hours, he graduated to the non-intensive care NICU. On the sixth night, he was on the ward with me, and then we got to go home and have our seventh day together, which I never thought was going to happen. It was so special.
Because I was so medicated, I don’t think I fully grasped how scary his situation was. It was kind of fine just because I was floating out of my mind on so many painkillers. But as soon as we started breastfeeding, he just kind of took to it, which was amazing. We’re so lucky. People struggle to bond even when they’re not separated from their babies. Maybe the separation made us bond more. Looking back, it was really special. I had not one obligation. I was in bed all day, and I just had my baby sleeping next to me all day. Now we’ve got chores, we’ve got life, but we had a whole month of just getting to hang out. We didn’t have to have any visitors.
My friends think I’m crazy, but I cannot wait to do it again. The doctors don’t want me to try and have a natural birth. It’s a little bit sad that I didn’t get the experience that I wanted, but I would like to try again. I think what helps me with it is that Remy was distressed, so we had to use forceps. That had to happen. In that sense, I don’t regret it because he’s here, he’s healthy, and who knows what an extra 30 minutes would have mean.